Light It
by lori-la-strange
Summary: What would happen if Merlin was sentenced to death? Probably not what happens in this surreal little story...
1. Chapter 1

**Okay I've been away for a while and this is my first Merlin fic so have mercy! I just wanted to write something for fun for once. A break from uni essays ha!**

**I'd just like to say that I came up with this little story before last saturday's episode, but never mind...**

**It's from Merlin's perspective. Slight A/M.**

**Also it's an odd combination of humour, angst and romance (or friendship if you prefer!). Let me know what you think - I may even write some more... :) **

* * *

It's a nightmare. A complete nightmare. No it's worse - this time it's really happening.

All I did was walk into Arthur's chambers to change his bed sheets - same as I do every day (okay, well maybe not _every_ day... or even every other day... or week... Don't judge me, I'm a busy person!). And who should I happen to catch stealing, stuffing his pockets full of Arthur's spare change? That's right, Uther's retired Witch Finder and buddy, Aranis (what a prat Arthur is anyway, just leaving all that money there - who does that? Oh yes, Mister I'm-so-rich-and-arrogant-and-attrac... Anyway!).

Excellent. Just my luck isn't it?

Upon hearing the announcement that Uther's friend, who just happened to have helped "Rid Camelot of sorcery in the original Great Purge" was coming to stay, I decided to stay out of his way. He may have been retired and just passing through, but I wasn't taking any chances, you see. Not after the great smokey horse/Aredian debacle anyway.

But then I see the crockety old clot pole stuffing his pockets with coins that aren't his.

"You're a thief!"

"No I'm not young boy," he replied, mean little eyes narrowing in my direction.

"Oh so I guess that makes you Prince Arthur now does it? Since you're not stealing his gold and all, sorry my mistake my lord." I answer back sarcastically, edging towards the door, "Maybe I should just tell Uther his son has returned early from his hunting trip - and how it's certainly aged him?"

Okay I was babbling. At this point I wasn't sure if I'd have actually told on him. I just wanted to scare him off, I mean, Witch Finders as a rule generally make me twitchy anyway. Even retired ones. But this one had helped kill so many people. People with magic. People like me. And now here he was stealing, from my best friend - I mean Master. Maybe I wanted to make _him _twitch for a change.

Bad idea.

Never play a player.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you boy." he said calmly.

Why boy? I'm twenty. TWENTY. I was so consumed with irritation that I almost missed his next threat.

"I still have a lot of influence over the king - despite the fact I've lost my riches." He smiled in a creepy manner, "You shouldn't upset me."

"Is that a threat?!"

"Well, yes." He said, looking at me as if I were simple.

"Oh, of course." I replied, possibly blushing. "Well don't! Threaten me I mean - there's no need. Just put it back and we'll forget all about it. Or I'll just have to go and tell on you - and I really don't want to do that."

A perfectly reasonable request, I thought so anyway. But when it comes to these holier-than-thou psychopaths, reason simply doesn't work.

"Oh I don't think so serving boy." That's even worse than plain boy! "I don't respond to threats you see."

"It wasn't a threat, it was just-"

And that's all I can remember, before waking in those oh-so familiar dungeons. See, I was too busy passing out after he hit me with Arthur's _water jug_.

Who uses a water jug, honestly?

* * *

No one believes you when you're a servant. It was my word against his. And that craggy old thief couldn't just accuse me of stealing could he? Oh no. it was his honour that was at stake so naturally I had to die for it.

He accused me of being a Sorcerer. Said he'd caught me practising alchemy. Used his own stolen gold coins against me. Apparently it was one accusation too many for the mighty King. He thinks he knows better all the time doesn't he? He married a troll, made me drink poison and almost had Gaius killed for casting magic, but still thinks he's so smart. And okay, this time he _may_ have caught a genuine warlock, but I would never harm anyone in Camelot. Especially not Arthur, as Aranis claimed. How could I ever hurt Arthur?

* * *

These are the jumbled thoughts that run through my petrified mind as I stand before everyone - a dark idol. There was no trial. No fairness. No mercy. An instant execution so that I'll be dead before Arthur returns.

I let out a hysterical giggle. it's ridiculous. the first time Arthur lets me stay at home during one of his hunting trips and _this_ happens.

_And_ the last thing he said to me was, "Try to stay out of trouble _Mer_-lin," in that not at all adorable way he always says my name.

I let out a hysterical giggle. it's ridiculous. the first time Arthur lets me stay at home during one of his hunting trips and _this_ happens.

Oh boy.

Now I'm standing on a pyre, surrounded by planks of assorted dead wood and I'm completely terrified. My legs are actually trembling and it's almost a good thing my hands are bound with chains - at least I wont fall if my legs fail me. Wouldn't want to hurt myself...  
Another shrill chuckle- what's wrong with me?!

How did Gaius stand this, when he faced execution this way? How could he stand there and look so dignified? I'm not brave like him. I can't die like this, it's not fair. All I ever did was try to belong. Try to protect Arthur. And now...

"For the act of Sorcery there can only be only one punishment. Death by flames." It's the oh-so great King from the balcony behind me.

"Uther please no, he's just a boy!" If there's anyone who I'll allow to call me boy it's Gaius - but right now I can't stand it. His voice cracks on the word. He sounds like he's in physical pain. I can't let myself look and see his suffering. I know it only too well, yet I wouldn't trade places with him for the world. He's one of the reasons I am still here - not that I'll ever let him know that.

"Get out of here Gaius please!" No point in us both suffering. he's already had his life threatened by Uther for trying to save me, or so I've heard.

As I was bound and gagged in the dungeons (as a precaution against me breaking out) Aranis taunted me, saying Gaius would be next if I escaped. I doubt I could escape now even if I was willing to risk Gauis's life. I'm far too frightened - and I need my hands.

Uther ignored Gaius's pleas from among the solemn crowd. I like to think they weren't baying for my blood because they liked me. Even cared about me. It's more than I could have hoped for. How else could this have ended? As a magician living in Camelot, how else could this have ended?

"Let this be an example to all who practise magic. For this is the only fate that awaits you." Read my mind, and I'm the Sorcerer?

"Please Uther!" Cries Gaius.

"It's wrong..."

"Not that boy he's -"

"He can't be -"

"- innocent!"

"- a good lad."

I catch snippets of conversations caused by his declaration and I'm truly touched. They're actually protesting. Now my eyes finally fill with tears.

"How dare you disrespect the King!" I burn with fury. It's him, the prissy-thief man. I breathe deeply. Setting him on fire really isn't the solution, no matter how appealing it may seem. He's human. I wont lose my soul over him.

"How's Arthur's gold? Not too heavy for you I hope." Okay. Can't resist.

"Enough! Sire, will you allow him to disrespect me so?"

"Of course not. He's the condemned one after all." Was Uther's chilling reply, "Light the pyre."

Oh god. Oh god. What about my destiny? Oh Arthur. I'm sorry. So sorry. My poor Mother too. She'll die when she finds out. She'll blame herself. Oh, I'm so so sorry.

I swallow hard, refusing to cry. Even now I wouldn't trade this for never coming here. Never making friends - my new family (some who are strangely absent). Never meeting Arthur. So much love, I'm lucky really... This thought gives me strength. I open my eyes - avoiding the sight of the approaching guard with his flaming torch. I focus on Gaius. He looks heartbroken.

"It's okay. It's fine," I murmur. I can afford to speak softly. There is utter silence - dissaproval tangible in the air. "Don't be sad." My voice cracks as I try to smile.

Such love is more than I could have ever asked for, considering the circumstances. At least until...

"Stop!"

Someone pushes through the crowd. Armour clad, furious, still strutting. I laugh, half-mad.

"Arthur!"

Maybe he's an illusion? Conjured out of half mad longing... I have been cackling like a witch (appropriate) and that's never a good sign.

No way can any imaginary Arthur look that outraged (I know that look) and still arrogant!

Suddenly he's in front of me and - oh yes - he's punched the torch bearer in the face who promptly falls to the ground, sleeping like a baby. I'd almost feel sorry for him if, you know, he wasn't trying to set me on fire.

"Are you mad?! What on Earth is going on here?" His voice is all high and un-prince like. Squeaky with disbelief, his wide, blue eyes lock with mine in search of answers.

I attempt to shrug, which is hard when you're tied to a pole. "Oh you know me, staying out of trouble." It's meant to sound funny and flippant, but just sounds weak and scared.

"You mean... Surely you're not going to burn Mer-lin?!" His voice reaches the highest octaves which would be amusing under any other circumstances, "Merlin? MY Merlin? I mean - manservant!"

I am going loopy. His panicked declaration sent waves of pride and pleasure through me. He'll make it right. This is how things work around here. We save each other. My Arthur. We always do.

"He has been accused of sorcery. It gives me no pleasure to do this..."

"Then don't!" He laughs, running his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner. "Father, this is insanity!"

"He confessed."

"To protect me from being the next person that thief accuses!" adds Gaius. I wince. He'll be joining me if he doesn't shut up.

Arthur glares at the accuser and king on the balcony before glancing at Gaius in surprise; "Well I don't know what's going on here, but I'm setting Merlin free. We all know he's innocent anyway. He's too much of an idiot to do magic! But he's my idiot so you can't just go and burn him! It's preposterous."

He moves to me, my prince, smiling likes it's all a misunderstanding. I smile back though my vision is blurred and my legs hurt so badly I can barely stand and I feel bad because I am a sorcerer and he doesn't know but he's reaching for me so I smile...

"Guards seize him!" thunders Uther. "A sentence has been passed and for this insolence you will watch justice be served."

The smile disappears from his face. I appreciate what he was trying to do. Turn this nightmare into a joke, but it would never work. Several well trained guards advance on him, going from determined to uncertain once Arthur draws his sword.

"ARTHUR!" A part of me almost wishes I could see the look on Uther's face. I've never heard him sound so angry before.

Maybe I don't have to see it. The look can't possibly be more frightening than Arthur's. Never once since I met him has he looked intimidating to me (he wishes he did). Not even when charging at me in full trainee jouster mode. But now... It's like his light has been taken away. He looks as if he genuinely means to hurt the advancing guards - his men and friends.

He looks like a killer.

"Tell your men to stand down." That's all he says. No threat. No need. He draws his sword...

"Arthur..." I think I'm close to passing out, but I wont see him kill for me. I can't let him kill these people - I know he will. As scared as I am, I can't let him do this. He could even get hurt in the process, then I'd really die, "Please just -"

"Be quiet Merlin." He cuts me off, "I wont let them hurt you."

My heart melts. He's still in there. Still inside that cold exterior. I know him so well. Better than he'll ever know me (it hurts but it's true). I wont let them hurt you. He sounds so vulnerable instead of protective as he intended. I think I'm the only person he's ever let in and now it looks like he's going to loose me. He can't suffer because of me.

"That is not your decision to make." Booms Uther, "He's a sorcerer! And just a servant anyway."

"No!" Arthur's voice cracks. "He's a good man Father. Please... He's - he's my friend."

"It's the way it must be." To his credit, Uther's voice does soften. "Guards..."

"Father don't!"

How can anyone deny such a sorrowful plea?

"Kill the boy."

So it's a deadlock. Arthur is surrounded by fearful guards who can't draw a sword out on the Prince. He wont move because I'm chained up. You can't cut through chains.

The Guards still nervously advance. They will win and I will die.

Arthur turns to me and to my horror there are tears in his eyes and panic in his voice. He says, "I can't take them all." He sounds lost. I can't bear it.

"Then don't." There is utter silence as I speak. No one knows what to do. This must be a shocking sight to see.

"I wont let them take you from me."

Gasps.

"I'll always be here for you." I answer, meaning every word though my heart is breaking as I realise something - "You have to let me go."

It's as if I've slowed time down. Our eyes meet and something passes between us. A mixture of fear, understanding and... love.

"No."

In one stealthily, swift movement, as he has always trained to be, he leaps over the wooden pyre and on to my unlit stand.

I am no longer alone on my deathly platform. Stunned gasps break the silence but i barely hear them. He climbs to me and it is just us. No crowd, no King, no accuser. Just him and me - and I'm actually... happy.

"Hello Merlin how are things?"

"Oh you know, the usual. Little bored. Kinda hungry."

So surreal.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE AT ONCE!"

Arthur simply laughs, "Never!"

"You're insane!" I hiss, but for some reason I'm still smiling.

I hear that magical laugh again as he wraps his arms around my middle and leans into my side - almost clinging to me. I wish more than ever that my hands weren't bound.

I settle for resting my head on his as I close my eyes - suddenly comfortable. If this is to be my last memory before they drag Arthur away, then I'll die happy. He's here for now and I'm happy.

"Light it." Says Arthur calmly and sincerely.

Insane.


	2. Chapter 2

****

First of all, thanks so much for the reviews and faves/alerts. They mean so much to me. Sorry about the slowness, uni calls…

Also, that first chapter is driving me mad - a line is repeated twice for some unknown reason. And the italics are all wrong! Fanfic is odd sometimes...

Anyway, here's a chapter for those who wanted it continued. If you'd rather leave it with that dramatic, pyre image then read no further.

* * *

Imagine two men. One is going to die. The other wants to die with him. One will burn; the other would rather burn with him than let it happen.

A servant is chained to a pyre. Dead wood surrounds this deathly stage, but he doesn't care. He's in his own world with his Prince, who holds his small frame in his arms. They are complete opposites but make one person - two sides of the same coin. Light and dark. Tanned and pale. Blonde and Dark. Strong and light. Scruffy and armour clad.

From the complete looks of contentment on their faces, to the way their hair entwines in the same breeze that flutters the Prince's crimson cape. Their gentle smiles and the way they look at each other, as if nothing else matters anymore. Everyone present will carry this image with them forever.

Especially the men themselves, even if forever turns out to not be so long for one of them...

* * *

I know I shouldn't. To them - the crowd, the haters, and my own "father" - it's wrong. But I don't care.

I hold Merlin as tightly as I can; wishing I wasn't wearing armour so there would be fewer barriers between us. I know they will force me to let him go, then the tough decisions will really come. But for now I just need to stop him trembling. It was too much. He seemed so small up there. So lost and alone...

Who am I kidding? _I_ was alone. I imagined what would happen if I let them kill Merlin. And I was alone. Always have been until I met Merlin. Merlin is... well he's the one genuine friend I have. With his quick wit, dazzling smiles and total INABILITY to show a Prince proper respect. He's a real, good person and I've never had that before.

He's real and I love him for it.

I'll never say that out loud, least of all to him. It's a bit pathetic really isn't it? A Prince with no friends. But anyway, it's the truth. And maybe I don't need to tell him anyway. My actions must be speaking for me... now there's a terrifying thought.

But there was this feeling inside, before I joined him up here. This incessant, instinctive voice that was telling me: _This cannot happen. Do not let this happen. He's a part of you. He dies, you die and you know it. You're connected. You need each other. Don't let him die._

I know it sounds mad. Like our destinies are entwined. But I believed it. Still do. So I did what I had to.

But miracle upon miracles, I hold him, and he's _still_ smiling (idiot probably doesn't grasp the situation we are in)! But I'm hardly one to talk because I am too. Suddenly we're joking - no laughing! - and he doesn't tremble. I like to think it's because I'm here for him. No one else matters to us. Winding my arms around him seemed like the most natural thing in the world so I did it. I can feel his heart beat and it's beautiful. I can't let it stop.

I won't.

"Arthur this is absolutely ridiculous! A complete outrage! I-I -" Bet my Father's turning purple. I silently laugh at the image, glad he cannot see my expression since he'd probably charge at me like a possessed bull. I don't need to see his face really - I see all I need to in the expressions of the audience (for that's what they are, enjoying the show). They look shocked, scared and a tiniest bit bemused.

I am so dead.

Rather me than Merlin.

"Arthur..." Merlin is clearly having similar thoughts as he pulls away from my protective embrace to look into my eyes, "Maybe you shouldn't -"

"Don't even bother to finish that sentence." I reply dryly in my meanest tone. It doesn't come out like that though. Sounds like I'm begging him. I won't listen to common sense because it determines that I can't stop this from happening. And I will. One way or another.

"I will come down and drag you away myself!"

"That'll be fun!" Did I really just say that? Merlin winces.

"You know, I really don't think this is helping in the long run." He says, sounding calm - but his lips are trembling, like he's trying very hard not to smile.

I know my Father's threats are empty ones. He'll punish me later, but he won't have himself seen in public, dragging his unruly son off a pyre. He won't lose face.

"I've made my demands quite clear." I challenge, "Let Merlin go or light it."

I find that for the first time ever, I resent the gathered population. They barely react when a servant is going to be burned, but a Crown Prince? Don't be so barbaric!

"I will not kill my only son. Now stop embarrassing yourself and end this." Dad sounds dangerously calm.

"You should really. I mean, it's been great and all but..." Merlin trails off as I look at him - really look at him. He sounds calm but he's barely hanging on. He's thin, almost painfully so, with those cheek bones and paler than pale complexion. His dark hair is ruffled and contrasts sharply with his clear blue eyes, which sometimes contain flecks of gold, but not now. He looks exhausted. But his full lips are firmly set so he looks strong. He looks strangely powerful. He looks... Like he's hiding something. Or someone. Always has since day one.

Before I can stop myself I gently trace the outline of his cheek, the briefest of touches that I hope no one else sees. He doesn't flinch but his eyes widen slightly.

"Arthur..."

I shout before he can continue, finally facing the fury, "I respect you Father. And I love you. But I cannot allow you to kill another innocent person. You cannot destroy anymore lives because of your hatred. He is faithful, and you are honourable so please just please - "

"You show me no respect at all Arthur, which is what this is about now." Came my Father's cold reply. I expected as much. He's found a new justification for this murder. _He's gong to murder him he's going to kill him to kill Merlin to murder..._

"You don't care about anyone do you? You love no one but yourself!" I scream it, near hysterical but past caring. "You're going to kill me too! You will and you just don't care! I hate you!"

* * *

He's falling to pieces. And over _me. _I never knew he cared for me on this scale.

He's near hysterical, and so am I. He can't suffer too - but there's no way out of this for me. For us. There's no happy ending around the corner. There could never be one for us anyway.

I wish I could hold him and tell him it's going to be alright. But I can't. And I won't lie.

I remember his touch, "Arthur..."

He pauses and draws breath, panting, turning his tear filled gaze towards me. "...Merlin?" He sounds lost.

"Lean closer." I hesitate. "I need to whisper something to you. Only you." Am I really going to do this?

"But he's going to - "

"Please?!" I cut him off, and he must realise how serious I am. How much this will (literally) kill me. But he suddenly looks curious, calmer, and strangely hopeful.

I wonder what he thinks I will say? I'll never get to find out.

He's so close I can smell his hair. When my mouth is near his ear, I say it. "Thank you so much Arthur. You'll never know how much... Anyway, I hope you'll forgive me, me and your Father."

"What are you talking about - "

"_Dormio..._" I whisper softly in his ear, and he suddenly collapses at my feet, in a deep state of sleep.

It's better this way.

* * *

****

Oh I almost did it. I almost made Arthur's attempted rescue Merlin's imagination! But it was problematic because A) I was pretty proud of that image and B) some of you loved it too. Let me know what you think and if I should have changed my mind or not.


	3. Chapter 3

****

Sorry about the wait and mean cliffy! And thanks very muchly for the support, especially if you reviewed. You guys rock!

* * *

Mmmm groggy. Where am I? Don't remember...

Why am I in bed? I feel like my head's been hit by a staff wrapped in velvet. I rub it and yawn, what on Earth happened...?

I suddenly sit bolt upright in my bed as if struck by lightening. Appropriate, since my sudden understanding surely must have the same effect. Alert, shocked, frightened, confused -

Merlin.

I throw back the covers to see my room is flooded with bright sunlight. It was only dawn when...

No.

Please no!

I clumsily stagger to the window that overlooks the courtyard in a blind panic. My armour has been taken from me, but I still wearing the same red-and-brown outfit. I can't have been asleep for long then. Could I? Could I?!

I look out the window and the pyre is gone. The pyre is gone and I remember.

"Merlin."

I whisper it, wanting to scream but the words won't come. Too numb. The world begins to spin and I feel sick. I feel hot and my eyes are blurring and my chest hurts and my heart is breaking and I _can't_ breathe.

_Can'tbreathecan'tbreathecan'tbreathe..._

I gasp and stumble yet my tears are still reluctant to fall. He _can't_ be gone. It's impossible. He's Merlin. My servant, my friend, my equal and so much more. More than I could ever... More than I will ever be able to tell him now because he's...

I wretch, nearly falling to my knees but sheer will prevents this from happening. Will and rage. I cling to it like a life-line. Rage is strong. Both powerful and distracting. Not like useless despair. Not like drowning.

Earlier, I felt as if I would die if Merlin did. But this is worse because I'm so helpless. I'm still here though there's this immense pain inside. Pain - and anger - that I know may subside to a raw emptiness one day. Like the way I felt when I was told about my mother for the first time. That it was all my fault she wasn't... unless _he_ lied. My Father. He lies, he controls, he kills... Today my so called Father needs to pay.

I race to my doors, not thinking. No physical weapons, just grief and rage - the most powerful weapons a man can possess. Except for love. But who is there for me to love now?

I storm through the corridors, shaking with fury. I pass servants who are but blurs to me. They say things but I don't listen. They're not the one I need. One hazy shape is persistent -following me, tugging at my sleeves. I shrug them off and march to the Halls of Counsel - where _he'll_ be.

"Arthur wait!"

"No... Gaius." It is only the realisation of who was addressing me that kept me from striking him. I don't want reason. I've lost it.

"But Arthur you have to come with me!" He's gasping from trying to keep up with me but I barely notice, nor care.

"He's caused too much suffering. And it is ENOUGH!" I roar, close to falling apart.

"But Sire, please he's alive!" Cries Gaius. "Merlin is alive!"

* * *

****

Bet you guessed that - if Gaius isn't telling porkies that is...

Sorry for the shortness, but this felt like a natural/dramatic place to stop. Next part will be uploaded shortly if you want it.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know it's probably riddled with mistakes but I don't have the time to check thoroughly thanks to uni. I do apologise. It annoys me so it must annoy you, but I hope it's better than no upload. **

**Thanks for the feedback though. You guys make my day****! Hope you enjoy...**

* * *

"You're just telling me what I want to hear." I say coldly.

"But I wouldn't lie to you about this." Replied Gaius sounding completely appalled.

"How can I trust you?"

We face each other, me looking down on him and still shouting though I know I should have no quarrel with Gaius. But obviously he is still loyal to the man I considered to be my Father. I can't get my hopes up because if I do and he's lying and Merlin really is... I don't know what I'll do.

He sighs before leaning closer and lowering his voice, "Because Merlin does."

I cannot think of a single response so Gaius continues.

"And I would hardly be trying to stop you from - presumably - killing your father if he _had_ killed Merlin now would I?" He whispers, "Heaven forgive me... but I'd be joining you."

Blinking in shock as his words resonate, I clear my throat and try to keep my own voice at an even level because I'm breaking. You can't just go from your world ending to this. I think I must be losing my mind. This is just too much. "If you speak the truth then why isn't he here?"

"Why isn't he here?!" Repeats the old man like I'm an idiot child, "Because the King is furious with him, that's why!"

"But - I - WHAT?!" Nothing is making sense to me anymore and I really don't know how much more I can take.

Gaius does his famous eyebrow raise, looking utterly exasperated. "Come to my chambers and you'll understand everything."

* * *

Suddenly I'm the one who is scurrying after Gaius, incensed because he is apparently ignoring me.

"I don't see why I should -"

"Ssh."

"But why can't you just -"

"Not here."

"But where is -"

"Just follow me."

I actually growl.

"Can't you wait just one more minute?"

This is absurd. I feel like screaming at him, pent up hysteria threatening to overspill. Of course I can't _wait._ If he really is alive then... I stop. Cold.

Eventually Gaius notices his angry shadow is gone.

"Sire?"

"Is he alive?" I mumble.

"Pardon?"

Aaah! "Is he alive?" A blank look. "Is Merlin alive - is he really alive?" Now there's the hysteria. I'm shaking him in my haste.

He looks at me as though I am crazed before gasping out, "Yes I said so didn't I?"

"Where?"

"Where we _were_ going!"

I release his shoulders and run flat out because I suddenly know it's real - it has hit me and I have to see him before I lose this feeling. Before the dream can disappear. But this castle seems too big and the halls too crowded but still I fly up stairs and wind down passages until...

"Merlin!" I burst through the Physician's doors and for one heart stopping moment he isn't there. He's not there and I am frozen in complete despair. I am lost.

Then someone comes down the stairs at the far end of the room. Merlin's stairs.

Merlin.

Now either one of two things happen.

In scenario one I repeat his name constantly out loud till it loses all meaning, but it doesn't need meaning because I have_ him. _I race towards him before he can disappear and I literally crash into his arms. He would stagger backwards but miraculously regain his footing. And this time he actually holds me back and it is I who is trembling as I bury my head in his chest.

Scenario two: I imagine all of this. I ache to touch him but force myself to surpress my feelings and be calm. The consequential pain is almost as bad as losing him in the first place but I do it because I have to.

This is what really happens.

We face each other, a room apart and are locked in each other's gaze. I can feel his heartbeat from so far away and I tell myself this is enough. It _has_ to be enough.

He is scruffy and small and very, very tired. And incredible. Incredibly _alive_.

"Merlin." Once. Once has to be enough as well.

"Hi Arthur." He replies casually, taking small steps towards me as I remain rooted to the spot. He looks cautious and his voice has the same tremble as mine.

"You're very hard to kill aren't you?" I can't believe I said that! How can I possibly joke about that? How could I when I felt so... I'm sick. Sick and a fantastic liar.

"Tell me about it. Might be because I work for a prat." He says, still looking nervous for some reason I don't understand.

I let out a ridiculous burst of laughter. Well I thought it was laughter, but before I know it, I am crying. Actually crying. Merlin blurs which is shameful because minutes ago I thought I would never see him again and now I'm wasting the sight but it's all too much. My feelings: confusion, pain, relief...

My legs give out but soft and gentle arms hold me in place and I'm suddenly leaning against Merlin, letting it out. I do tremble. I do bury my head in his chest. He smells of hay and soap and god-knows-what else that makes him _Merlin. _I sob as silently as I can and his hands are in my hair as I claw at his back, moulding myself so that I am as close to him as can be possible.

"I-I don't know what I would have d-done if..."

"Shhh it's okay, it's alright." He soothes, one hand stroking my hair, the other rubbing my back. My breath hitches and I struggle to breathe, caught between tears and hysterical laughter because it's so bizarre but it's real and I'll take it. I'll stay this way with him forever.

But imagine if Gaius or my Father walked in.

I jerk away so suddenly that Merlin looks shocked, hurt even.

Before I can stop myself I hit him in the chest. It's a feeble punch but he gasps and gives me a wounded look.

"What was that for?!" his voice reaches the highest octaves.

"You!" I suck in a harsh breath and launch, "I thought you were DEAD! You left me! You let me wake up all alone and I thought you were gone you idiot - you absolute -"

Then there was some colourful swearing on my part, and Merlin's annoyingly beautiful eyes grew wider and wider as he hunched away.

"Do you have any idea what I've been through for you? Do you have any idea how I felt? How I feel?!"

He opened his mouth a few times; looking agonised but wisely chose to say nothing.

"I was alone!" I shout it, the last of my energy leaving me. I hunch over, trying to hold myself together, panting as though I had run a race. "You left me all alone."

My voice breaks and I raise my hand to brush away my furious tears. Merlin beats me to it. His hands are gentle, timid - afraid of my reaction. But I have nothing left to give.

"I'm so so sorry." He whispers. He moves to take his hand away but before he can, I press his palm against my cheek, holding it there.

I close my eyes briefly and he continues, "I couldn't get anywhere near you. Uther seems to think I bring out a bad side of you, even if he no longer thinks I'm a sorcerer anymore." He smiles sadly, "Can't imagine what he means."

I smile too as the pain finally fades away, "Yeah, I'd throw myself on to bonfires for anyone."

He takes his hand away but leans his forehead against mine. "Why did you?"

I regretfully pull away, "Hmm?"

"Why did you do that for me?" he looks even more nervous.

I study him seriously for a moment before saying what I have to. "You know we can't go there Merlin."

The silence is uncomfortable and we can't quite meet each other's eyes.

I clear my throat. "Anyway, I should be asking the questions. And for starters how the hell _did_ you survive?" Then after remembering what he had said earlier, "And what do you mean, 'you can't go near me?'"

"It was Gwen and Morgana." Merlin smiled happily, "They said they didn't put it there, but apparently they _conveniently_ found all this stuff just lying about in Aranis's room."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Stolen stuff. The usual, your money, cutlery... Uther's underwear..."

"What?!"

"Well hell hath no fury than a woman scorned."

"Tell me about it..." I laugh.

"He's in the dungeons. And since he can't be trusted, my conviction was overturned in the nick of time." He paused, "Funny how it always works out that way..."

"But what about us?" I stammer struggling to rephrase, "I-I mean, you not being allowed near me."

All of the good humour faded from his face. "I've been sacked. I'm not even supposed to be near you now. I think Gaius is covering..."

"Well that's gotta change." I say simply, "Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless..." I gabble out the last bit, "You don't want to serve me anymore?"

"Arthur?" He grinned, "Don't be a prat. It's like I've said before. I'm happy to serve you. Till the day I die."

His words thrill and horrify me in equal measure(okay maybe I lie, I'm slightly more thrilled), "Don't say that. You can't die. Not again."

"I never have." He replies moving closer, "Well, except for the poison flower thingy. That was bad."

I shudder at the memory. "Don't." I'm not sure of what I'm protesting about anymore. All I know is he's too close as he shyly rubs my arm.

I can't think straight and we're impossibly close.

"Merlin?" A whisper.

"Yes?"

Time to break the spell.

"Why did I really fall asleep on the pyre?"

* * *

**Dun dun duuun!**

**:P**


	5. Chapter 5

**This story has a life of its own. It was only meant to be a one shot! Thanks for all your encouragement - that's why I'm still writing!**

**On an unrelated note - bless Merlin! Did anyone watch the last episode?! Won't say anything else in case of spoilers but eeee!**

* * *

I jump away from Arthur as if he were red hot.

"W-what?!"

Arthur raises his eyebrows in surprise as I try to get a grip. "You heard me."

Eeep. "Well how should I know why you fell asleep?"

He looks mildly amused, "Oh I don't know... how about _dormio _for once thing?"

Uh oh.

My world sways and I suddenly feel as though all of the slowly returned strength has drained from my body.

"Don't know what you mean." I whisper. But I don't even sound convincing to myself, let alone Arthur. I stare at my feet.

"Oh come on now Merlin." He doesn't sound mad. Then again, he didn't before and then he _hit me_.

"Maybe you were just over stressed?" I try feebly, risking a glance.

He's leaning on one of Gaius's benches, looking completely at ease now. In fact, he looks like he's rather enjoying this.

Wait a minute! Does he...? Does he not mind that I'm a Sorcerer or something? No way.

"I was not over stressed!" he sounds indignant. "Okay well I obviously was, with the pending burning and likely disowning I was going to face with my Father..."

I nod understandingly, feeling hopeful. "Hmm, see it makes sense now - doesn't it?" He nods as well though it looks far too sarcastic for my liking, "You were exhausted from hunting and stress so you-"

"-Put a spell on me?"

I blanch, "I-I didn't!"

He's laughing. I should really be worried for his mental health, if I weren't so scared for myself that is.

"Why are you laughing you ass?!" I cry, "If it's a joke then it's not funny. It may have escaped your attention but the last time someone accused me of that I nearly _died_."

His laughter stops abruptly and I suddenly feel like hitting myself. Shouldn't have said that. I know how much it hurt him to see me go through that. Seeing me chained to the stake then thinking I was dead... He coped worse than I did, and I'm _this_ close to a nervous breakdown.

I _am_ an idiot.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, no longer afraid anymore. His reaction before was so full of pain, so overwhelming... Would he really care if I was a Sorcerer? The least I can do in return for such loyalty (and even... love?) is tell him the truth. I owe him that much. It doesn't quite add up to the scale of what he did for me but it's all I have. I keep telling myself that I'm hiding my powers to protect him. So I can continue to look out for him. How can I watch over him if I am sent away - or killed? But he wouldn't let that happen would he? Not after all that happened between us. All that has been said.

And I've been sacked anyway...

"Arthur?" He is now the one who stares at the floor. His response is so quiet that I almost miss it.

"You just keep lying."

So now we're back to fear and added dry mouth.

"No wait Arthur-"

"I don't understand why you keep lying to me." He sounds so forlorn; it's hard to hear it.

"I -"

"I tried to save you so you know it doesn't matter to me Merlin." His voice cracks, as his eyes meet mine. "Don't you see? It doesn't matter."

Out of everything Arthur has done for me today in such a short period of time: fighting knights, comforting me, throwing himself on the pyre... It's funny that the smallest gesture has the biggest impact on me.

__

It doesn't matter to me Merlin...

I sniff hard, trying my very best to not well up. There's been enough tears this afternoon - we're both emotionally drained for sure - so I choke out a "Really?"

"Really," he replies. "So just say it."

"Say what?"

"Don't be an idiot."

I smile, "Because that's your job?" His look is outraged and impatient, "Just kidding! Kidding."

"Time to get serious then." He says, meaning it. "Say it _Mer_lin." He sounds so commanding - so much... well, like a King - that I say do it. I can't _not_.

"Arthur Pendragon, I am a sorcerer."

He stares intently at me for the longest seconds of my life and all the while my mind is frantically racing:

__

I am dead now because he knows.

But he said he didn't care!

What if he was on about something else?

What else could he possibly be referring to you clot pole?

Don't call me a clot pole - and shut up will you?

Why don't you make me?!

"Merlin, am I disturbing you?"

I actually missed what he said!

I shake my head, incapable of voicing my feelings.

"Good. Because what I said was, I've always known you could do magic."

"Really?!" I cry, slightly horrified. Am I that appalling at keeping secrets?

"Well, not in the sense of actually having the slightest clue..."

"Oh."

"But what I _do_ know is... you're always there for me. Protecting me, aren't you?" He doesn't wait for a reply, avoiding eye contact. "And I know I should hate magic. But I don't hate you. I could _never_ hate you. So maybe... magic isn't so bad after all."

I nod, though I feel like he's puzzling it out to himself more than for my benefit.

This is proven when he ignores my reply, cutting me off. "You are so right Arthur. Magic can be a force for good. In fact, I've saved your life more times than I can -"

"And I feel like maybe, we're connected or something? Like destiny." He laughs, trying to make it seem like he's not serious, in case I laugh at him.

Whoever thought he was insecure? Well, I did. Ever since he said "y_ou left me all alone"._ I suddenly want to hug him, take his face in my hands and -

But I won't.

I am still lost for words once more. He's practically saying the Great Dragon's words right to my face.

"-Sounds stupid, I know."

"No! It makes more sense than you'll ever know."

We're close again now. Why does that always happen?

He picks up one of my wrists delicately and traces the chain induced bruises.

"Well you've got the rest of our lives to fill me in." He says, softly rubbing lightly with his thumb. "And _don't you dare_ go magically erasing my memory Merlin. I already owe you pain for making me fall asleep like that, but I think you've endured enough for one day don't you?"

The idea had never even occurred to me but I nod, happy enough.

* * *

It is all wrong, but so right.

This isn't your traditional fairytale, your standard happy ending. Yes I'm a Prince, and there's a King and a Magician involved here somewhere too I think... And someone _has_ been rescued though Merlin is hardly a fair maiden (ha!). And true, it wasn't the prince who did the rescuing. Not really (I owe Morgana and Gwen, so much). I don't certainly don't get to ride off into the sunset with the person I lo-

I couldn't _ever_. But maybe the fact that we are both alive, and we have a destiny to fulfil together is enough. It has to be.

I certainly don't kiss that person.

I certainly don't savour the moment, heart breaking but somehow more complete than ever.

I certainly don't ask that person to erase my memory of it the next day.

You have to believe me.

Princes don't lie.

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading xx**


End file.
